Aminet 1/Aminet - June 1993 [Walnut Creek].iso/aminet/util/cli/quipdata.lha/quip.dat

Text File | 1993-02-19 | 117.4 KB | 2,434 lines

1070
These quips were extracted from "fortune", with some extras invented by
myself.

@   The answer to all of your questions can be found deep in the code of the
next DOS revision.
@   Today's phrase of the second: "Putrid putressense".
@   The United States Army: 200 years of service unhampered by progress.
@   If the opposite of Pro is Con, does it follow that the opposite of
Progress is Congress?
@   When your kids find out how lame you really are, they're going to kill
you in your sleep.
 -- Frank Zappa
@   Education?  Ah, you mean the American Babysitting Service.
@   It's not that the youth of today are lazy and unwilling to work.  They
just know the futility of it all.  They're watching their parents.
@   Tomorrow is yesterday's day after today.
@   Baud rates!  We don't need no stinking Baud rates!
@   Yesterday is tomorrow's day before today.
@   I think it was Socrates who said, "I drank what?"
 -- from the movie "Real Genius"
@   I am the Imp of the Perverse (knowing this won't help you either).
@   Macro: The last half of an expression of surprise: "Holy Macro".
@   Your empty file directory has been deleted.
@   Kill them all -- let God sort them out.
@   Flattery is the sincerest form of imitation.
@   Only borrow from pessimists -- they don't expect to be paid back.
@   Continental Life.  Why do you ask?
@   Chaotic Evil means never having to say you're sorry.
@   Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
@   Go ahead... make my day.
@   Resistance is useless (if less than 1 ohm).
@   It's not an optical illusion.  It just looks like one.
@   Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out.
@   Counter: A device over which martinis are served.
@   Programmer: Red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate
objects, and often does.
@   I wish you humans would leave me alone.
@   One generation cannot bind another.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
@   Sweeney's Law: "The joy that is felt at the sight of new-fallen snow is
inversely proportional to the age of the beholder."
@   Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
@   Truthful: Dumb and illiterate.
@   You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme
stupidity.
@   Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
@   Too clever is dumb.
 -- Ogden Nash
@   Programmer's Cheer: Shift to the left!  Shift to the right!  Pop up!
Push down! Byte!  Byte!  Byte!
@   Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
@   Be security conscious -- National Defense is at stake.
@   The less you bother me, the sooner you get results.
@   Security is the individual's responsibility.
@   Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.
 -- Virgil
@   Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick
to anger.
@   Lee's Law: "Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said
there'd be so many."
@   Don't patch bad code -- rewrite it.
@   Conform, go crazy, or become an artist.
@   Mencken and Nathan's Ninth Law of The Average American: The quality of
a champagne is judged by the amount of noise the cork makes when it is
popped.
@   The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.
@   Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
@   I don't believe in astrology. But, then, I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians
don't believe in astrology.
@   People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
@   You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike.
@   Finagle's first Law: If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
@   The kindest thing I can say about my wife is that her in-laws are a lot
nicer than mine.
@   Act natural.
@   If you keep your money in your shoe, then people will know which bills
are yours.
@   "You'll never be the man your mother was!"
@   Gravity.  It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
@   Why did the Roman Empire collapse?  What is the Latin for office
automation?
@   A mother, no matter how large the family, can always find some time
alone by doing the dishes.
@   Error: something only humans can commit.
@   Good intentions randomize behavior.
@   Intelligent users of this system never get this quip.
@   Christians do it with grace.
@   By definition, one divided by zero is undefined.
@   I was a freethinker before I knew how to think.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
@   BPI: a 1960's term used to describe unmentionable parts of the anatomy,
as in "you bet your bpi".
@   The little engineer that could.
@   Why can't you be unique and original like everybody else?
@   A bird in the hand can get pretty messy.
@   Serenity through viciousness.
@   Democracy is also a form of worship.  It is the worship of Jackals by
Jackasses.
 -- H. L. Mencken
@   Love is in the offing, said the homicidal maniacs.
@ Boren's Laws: 1)  When in charge, ponder, 2)  When in trouble, delegate,
3)  When in doubt, mumble.
@   God is Pro-Life.
@   Dr. Livingston, I pre/Ame.
@   To have a sense of humor is to be a tragic figure.
@   Did you know that the word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary?
@   It is one thing to praise discipline, and another to submit to it.
@   What part of "NO" don't you understand?
@   e    n  tr       o    py      r u   l e       s
@   Charity: A thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
@   As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
@   A programming language that does not affect the way you think about
programming is not worth knowing.
@   The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travelers pay the
expense of it.
@   Guards!  Throw this trespasser into the glass maze!
@   Watch out for off-by-one errors.
@   Houdini's escaping from New Jersey!
@   I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I've got hundreds of people
waiting to abuse me.
@   Heaven: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of
their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound
your own.
@   A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon of gold.
@   U.S. money is the worst looking money in the world.
@   "Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong."
@   "I like my dental hygienist.  I think she's very pretty.  So whenever
I go to get my teeth cleaned, while I'm in the waiting room, I eat an
entire box of Oreo cookies."
 -- Steve Wright
@   Semiconductor: part time band leader
@   It's you and me against the world -- when do we attack?
@   No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.
@   This last entry is totally up to this module to have a flag to say that
the command line is being used and SYSINI can check this flag and exit
if true. (SYSXIT, NEWSCN.DOC)
@   Love is a many-gendered thing.
@   Billions and billions and billions and billions of Carl Sagans...
@   You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
@   Dentist: A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls coins
out of one's pockets.
 -- Ambrose Bierce
@   It is easier to write an incorrect program than to understand a correct
one.
@   A truly wise one never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
@   If guns are outlawed, how will we shoot the liberals?
@   External Storage: Wastebasket.
@   Mass bus: A very large bus, sometimes a GMC motor coach, See also: Bus.
@   Chem E's make the best heat exchangers.
@   All I know is just what I read in the papers.
 -- Will Rogers
@   Wake the kids, phone the neighbors, you don't have any mail
waiting...hahahahah
@   You can't go home again, unless you set $HOME.
@   Ah, but man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's heaven for?
 -- Robert Browning
@   Ignore this quip.
@   A man's best friend is his dogma.
@   Memory dump: Amnesia.
@   Fixed Word Length: Four-letter words used by programmers in a state of
confusion.
@   Personifiers Unite!  You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity!
@   Recursion is the root of computation since it trades description for time.
@   Under the most carefully controlled conditions of temperature, density,
and pressure, the organism will do what it damn well pleases.
@   Above all things, reverence yourself.
@   Trying to get an education here is like trying to take a drink from a
fire hose.
@   A statesman cannot afford to be a moralist.
 -- Will Durant
@   I will never lie to you.
@   Sign: HAIRCUTS WHILE YOU WAIT
@   Let your conscience be your guide.
 -- Alexander Pope
@   "This is a country where people are free to practice their religion,
regardless of race, creed, color, obesity, or number of dangling keys..."
@   Simplicity does not precede complexity, but follows it.
@   A mistake is evidence someone has done something.
@   This login session: $13.99
@   "C" combines the flexibility of assembly language with the power of
assembly language.
@   Anatomy is destiny.
 -- Sigmund Freud
@   Real Time: here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there
and then.
@   Code: virus lasting about three to five days, accompanied by sore throat,
runny nose and fever.
@   The meek don't want it . . .
@   Core Storage: A receptacle for the center section of apples.
@   A man forgives only when he is in the wrong.  A woman forgives always.
@   Beware the new TTY code!
@   Disclose classified information only when a NEED TO KNOW exists.
@   Don't rush me -- I'm dawdling as fast as I can.
@   Look before you leap.
 -- Samuel Butler
@   Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
@   Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder.
@   We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible, for the
ungrateful.  We have done so much, for so long, with so little, we are
now qualified to do anything -- with nothing!
@   Civilization and profits go hand in hand.
 -- Calvin Coolidge
@   The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average
man can see better than he can think.
@   "Mondays are the potholes in the road of life."
 -- Ziggy
@   The goal of science is to build better mousetraps.  The goal of nature
is to build better mice.
@   Mathematics deals exclusively with the relations of concepts to each other
without consideration of their relation to experience.
 -- Albert Einstein
@   The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
 -- Samuel Johnson
@   Lysistrata had a good idea.
@   A good memory does not equal pale ink.
@   Dogs do not dislike poor families.
@   In unanimity there is cowardice and uncritical thinking.
@   Good news.  Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
@   Live now -- procrastinate later.
@   Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
@   I am not arguing with you -- I am telling you.
@   Plastic silverware.
@   Rule of the Great: When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking
deep thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.
@   Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
@   Backward ran sentences until reeled the mind.
 -- Wolcott Gibbs
@   A person who turns green has eschewed protein.
@   1 bull, 3 cows.
@   I think, therefore I am, I think.
@   Love is in the offing.  Be affectionate to one who adores you.
@   Other people's property comes naturally to me.
@   You can never find a lost-and-found when you need one.
@   I have a photographic memory.  Unfortunately, I also have dyslexia.
@   It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.
@   If you suspect a man, don't employ him.
@   God does not play dice with the universe.
 -- Albert Einstein
@   I've been seduced by the chocolate side of the Force.
@   It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice
versa.
@   You will never know hunger.
@   Your mind understands what you have been taught; your heart, what is
true.
@   Port error.  Please disconnect.
@   Opportunity knocks but once.
@   Stop searching forever.  Happiness is unattainable.
@   Teacher's critique of a term paper: "This report is filled with
omissions."
@   If you go to the bathroom during the fourth quarter, you'll be sorry.
@   Better dead than mellow.
@   A Smartmodem often isn't.
@   There are two things I dislike in a person   Absentmindedness and... I
can't remember the other one.
@   "Time is an illusion.  Lunchtime doubly so."
 -- Ford Prefect
@   Pierson's Law: "If you're coasting, you're going downhill."
@   As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
@   Is anything really trash before you throw it away?
@   Rehumanize yourself!
@   "It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it."
 -- Steve Wright
@   It is never too late to give up your prejudices.
 -- Henry David Thoreau
@   Ban the bomb.  Save the world for conventional warfare!
@   All's well that ends well and vice-versa.
@   Love is missing someone even when they're with you.
@   Every generation laughs at old fashions, but follows religiously the new.
@   HOST SHUT -- NO AVAILABLE PORTS
@   You were TOLD not to call me after midnight.
@   We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves.
 -- Eric Hoffer
@   No man who is in a hurry is quite civilized.
 -- Will and Ariel Durant
@   It is unworthy of excellent men to lose hours like slaves in the labor
of calculation.
 -- Leibniz
@   What's the good of being grown-up if you can't be childish?
@   If ignorance isn't bliss, I don't know what it is.
@   You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.
 -- Alfred Kahn
@   Modem: How a Southerner asks for seconds
@   Necessity is a mother.
@   People paint with their brains and not with their hands.
@   Don't get even -- get odd!
@   Cursor: an expert in four-letter words.
@   Am I seeing things, or is that a mirage?
@   "If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars."
 -- J. Paul Getty
@   Microwave: signal from a friendly micro
@   You don't have to rehearse to be yourself.
@   Menus do not a user friendly program make.
@   On Line: a statement shouted at tennis judges in response to serves being
called out.
@   He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
@   Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.
@   Let us eat, drink, and make merry, for tomorrow Mary may reform.
@   A hand in the bush is worth two on the barstool..
@   Q:  Why did God invent women??
   A:  'Cause sheep can't cook...
@   If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car
payments.
 -- Earl Wilson
@   It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
@   You'll find I'm full of surprises.
@   Downtime: coffee breaks, lunch, or Friday mentality in the office.
@   Only the elite users of this system get this quip.
@   Name of one of Canada's three major political parties: Progressive
Conservative
@   In his private heart no man much respects himself.
 -- Mark Twain
@   Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
@   Entropy requires no maintenance!
@   If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.
 -- Anatole France
@   "BASIC is the Laverne and Shirley of computing."
 -- Alan Kay
@   Comments: See fixed work length.
@   Opportunity knocks but once.
@   Cleanliness is next to impossible.
@   O'Toole's dictum: "Murphy was an optimist."
@   Life is what you do when you can't get to sleep.
@   On the other hand...... you have 5 more fingers.
@   I don't normally kill strangers, but I seem to have run out of friends.
@   How much of a jerk someone is, is directly proportional to their distance
from you.
@   There are few problems so severe that they cannot be cured by a fifth of
good bourbon, and a red head in black fishnet stockings and six inch
stiletto heels.
@   "The deadliest kind of bullshit is odorless and transparent"
 -- William Gibson (paraphrased)
@   I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
@   The safest place for a baby in America is no longer in a mother's womb.
@   People generalize.
@   To hell with the prime directive... let's kill something.
@   This quip is, again, repetitively redundant.
@   This is only a test anyway.
@   Do you think I do this for a living?
@   My, I wonder what this fine rope is doing here.
@   Hollerith: what thou doest when thy phone is on the fritzeth
@   Oh, Aunty Em, it's so good to be home!
@   SunDog   Frozen Pizza.
@   What does a sacred chao say?  MU!
@   There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
@   Success is a journey, not a destination.
@   "I used to be a narrator for bad mimes."
 -- Steve Wright
@   What's the good of being grown-up if you can't be childish?
@   You can measure a programmer's perspective by noting his attitude on the
continuing viability of Fortran.
 -- Alan Perlis
@   Brain fried -- core dumped
@   Is the surface of a planet the right place for an expanding industrial
civilization?
@   Justice is incidental to law and order.
 -- J. Edgar Hoover
@   Being a mime means never having to say you're sorry.
@   You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part.
@   A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
@   He who always finds fault in his friends has faulty friends.
@   It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
@   Recursion is the root of computation since it trades description for
time.
@   Let sleeping dogs lie.
 -- Charles Dickens
@   Pedestrian: A man who didn't believe his wife when she said they needed
two cars.
@   Justice is truth in action.
 -- Benjamin Disraeli
@   SPMS is a trademark of Sirius Siberianetics, Inc.
@   I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!
@   Elevators smell different to midgets
@   Don't tell me what you dreamed last night for I've been reading Freud.
@   "I'm writing a song, but I can't read music, so I don't know what it is
yet."
 -- Steve Wright
@   Ducharme's Precept: Opportunity always knocks at the/B/D/A/DEV/PL/SY
moment.
@   Guards!  Throw this trespasser into the glass maze!
@   Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
@   That must be wonderful!  I don't understand it at all.
@   Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again.
@   "I have a map of the United States.  People ask me where I live, and I
say, E6."
 -- Steve Wright
@   People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who
haven't what they want that they don't want it.
 -- Ogden Nash
@   "Life is like a sewer, what you get out of it depends on what you put
into it."
 -- Tom Lehrer
@   Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.
@   "I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day 'cause that means
it's going to be up all night."
 -- Steve Wright
@   Keep grandma off the streets -- legalize bingo.
@   A bird in the bush can't relieve itself in your hand.
@   Greatness is a transitory experience.  It is never consistent.
@   One person's constant is another person's variable.
@   I hate quotations.
 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
@   You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to swim on his
back, you've got something.
@   Fools ignore complexity.  Pragmatists suffer it.  Geniuses remove it.
@   Conscience doth make cowards of us all.
 -- William Shakespeare
@   When a man assumes a public trust, he should consider himself as public
property.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
@   Could John Wayne have ever taken Normandy, Iwo Jima, Korea, the Gulf of
Tonkin, and the entire Wild West on a diet of quiche and salad?
@   All in all, it's just another brick in the wall ...
@   Main's Law: For every action there is an equal and opposite government
program.
@   You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
@   Being sexy is a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it.
@   People have declaimed against luxury for 2,000 years ... and people have
always delighted in it.
@   Unicorns aren't mythical -- virgins are!
@   I used to be an agnostic, but now I'm not so sure.
@   Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
 -- Steve Jobs
@   It is a bad plan that admits of no modification.
 -- Publilius Syrus
@   Murphy's Law only fails when you try to demonstrate it.
@   Looking at postcards is better than looking at the real thing.
@   Open the pod bay door, Hal.
@   Let the machine do the dirty work.
@   One more step and the President of the Galaxy is fried meat!
@   Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.
@   How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
@   A man's best friend is his dogma.
@   Paul Revere was a tattle-tale
@   Stability itself is nothing else than a more sluggish motion.
@   I disagree with what you say but will defend to the death your right to
tell such lies.
@   We think in generalities, we live in detail.
 -- Alfred North Whitehead
@   You have mail.
@   You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
@   Blah, blah, blah, blublublah blah blah.
@   Only the shallow know themselves.
 -- Oscar Wilde
@   How can you work when the system's so crowded?
@   The only winning move is not to play.
@   How you look depends on where you go.
@   Computers are not intelligent.  They only think they are.
@   Donsen's Law: "The specialist learns more and more about less and less
until, finally, he knows everything about nothing; while the generalist
learns less and less about more and more until, finally, he knows nothing
about everything."
@   If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
@   Heralds don't pun -- they cant.
@   "The other day I...uh, no, that wasn't me."
 -- Steve Wright
@   Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
@   Good news.  Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
@   A person who turns green has eschewed protein.
@   Haven't you enjoyed just about as much of this as you can stand?
@   Hellrung's Law: "If you wait, it will go away."  Shavelson's Extension:
"...after having done its damage."  Grelb's Addition: "If it was bad,
it will be back."
@   Where the system is concerned, you're not allowed to ask "Why?".
@   Twisted Pair: a couple of perverts
@   Conquering Russia is a steppe by steppe process.
@   He that would govern others, first should be the master of himself.
@   You bash the Balrog, I'll climb the tree.
@   Books without the knowledge of life are useless.
 -- Samuel Johnson
@   Interface: the opposite of "getouttamyface".
@   Mass bus: A very large bus, sometimes a GMC motor coach, See also: Bus.
@   If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
@   Quit work and play for once!
@   Institute: An archaic school where football is not taught.
@   Some people are discovered; others are found out.
@   "If you were in a vehicle and you were traveling at the speed of light
and then you turned your lights on -- would they do anything?"
 -- Steve Wright
@   I'm always the host.
@   Every program is a part of some other program and rarely fits.
@   "I went to eat at a place that said 'breakfast anytime.'  So I ordered
French toast during the renaissance."
 -- Steve Wright
@   Megahertz: a very large car rental company.
@   We could really bust some heads, in a spiritual sense, of course.
@   I really hate this damned machine, I wish that they would sell it.  It
never does quite what I want, but only what I tell it.
@   $3,000,000
@   11-XAV eht edisni deppart ma I !pleH
@   A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
@   A clean, neat, and orderly work place is a sure sign of a sick mind.
@   A closed mouth gathers no foot.
@   A day for firm decisions!!!!!  Or is it?
@   A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell
in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
@   A generation which ignores history has no past -- and no future.
@   A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet (sort of).
@   A hollow voice says, "Plugh".
@   A king's castle is his home.
@   A lie in time saves nine.
@   A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
@   A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
@   A motion to adjourn is always in order.
@   A penny saved is ridiculous.
@   A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
@   A reverence for life does not require one to respect nature's obvious
mistakes.
@   A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.
@   A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
@   A vivid and creative mind characterizes you.
@   A wise man can see more from a mountain top
than a fool can from the bottom of a well.
@   Accident: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of
body is better.
@   According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are
totally worthless.
@   Accordion: A bagpipe with pleats.
@   Accuracy: The vice of being right
@   "Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing."
@   Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
@   Adult: One old enough to know better.
@   Afternoon: That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the
morning.
@   Alexander Graham Bell is alive and well in New York, and still waiting for
a dial tone.
@   "All my friends and I are crazy.  That's the only thing that keeps us
sane."
@   Always store beer in a dark place.
@   Always yield to temptation, for it may not pass your way again.
@   Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
 -- Charlie McCarthy
@   Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.
@   "An American is a man with two arms and four wheels."
 -- A Chinese child
@   An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
@   Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
@   Antonym: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
@   Artistic ventures highlighted.  Rob a museum.
@   As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain;
and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
 -- Einstein
@   As the trials of life continue to take their toll, remember that there is
always a future in Computer Maintenance.
@   Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
@   Avoid September.
@   Bank error in your favor.  Collect $200.
@   Barometer:  An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather
we are having.
@   Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
@   Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life.
@   Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another.
@   Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
@   Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all
doubt.
@   Better to use medicines at the outset than at the last moment.
@   Beware of friends who are false and deceitful.
@   Beware of low-flying butterflies.
@   Beware the granfalloon.
@   Blessed are they who Go Around in Circles, for they Shall be Known as
Wheels.
@   Boy: A noise with dirt on it.
@   Brain:  The apparatus with which we think that we think.
@   Buy low, sell high.
@   By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
@   By following the good, you learn to be good.
@   Cabbage:  A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a
man's head.
@   California is a fine place to live -- if you happen to be an orange.
 -- Fred Allen
@   Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health.
@   Celebrate Hannibal Day this year.  Take an elephant to lunch.
@   Certainly the game is rigged.  Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet,
you can't win.
@   Chicken Little was right.
@   Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort
to teach them good manners.
@   Children seldom misquote you.  In fact, they usually repeat word for word
what you shouldn't have said.
@   Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think
that I am."
 -- Ambrose Bierce
@   Collaboration: A literary partnership based on the false assumption that
the other fellow can spell.
@   Communists do it without class.
@   Computers are not intelligent.  They only think they are.
@   Condense soup, not books!
@   Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking.
@   Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of
genius.
@   Conversation: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his
breath is called the listener.
@   Courage is your greatest present need.
@   Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
@   Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
@   Cynic: One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
@   Dawn:  The time when men of reason go to bed.
@   Day of inquiry.  You will be subpoenaed.
@   Deliberation:  The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it
is buttered on.
@   Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud
what the country could do under first-class management.
 -- Senator Soaper
@   Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
@   Did you know that clones never use mirrors?
@   Did you know that no-one ever reads these things?
@   Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
@   Do not clog intellect's sluices with knowledge of questionable uses.
@   Do not drink coffee in early A.M.  It will keep you awake until noon.
@   Do not read this quip under penalty of law.  Violators will be prosecuted.
(Penal Code sec. 2.3.2 (II.a.))
@   Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
@   Do you know where *your* towel is?
@   Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted.
@   Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
@   Don't feed the bats tonight.
@   Don't get yourself involved with persons or situations that can't bear
inspection.
@   Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
@   Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
@   Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
@   Don't knock President Fillmore.  He kept us out of Vietnam.
@   Don't panic.
@   Don't tell any big lies today.  Small ones can be just as effective.
@   Don't try to have the last word.  You might get it.
@   Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you.  They're too
busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
@   Don't wrestle a pig in a mudhole.  You both get all dirty, and the pig
enjoys it.
@   Down with categorical imperatives!
@   Draw your salary before spending it.
@   "Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing."
@   Duct tape is like the force.  It has a light side, a dark side, and it
holds the universe together....
 -- Carl Zwanzig
@   Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the production of great leaders
has been discontinued.
@   Economy makes men independent.
@   Enjoy your life; be pleasant and gay, like the birds in May.
@   Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
@   Even if the story isn't true, it does have a grain of sense and
instruction to it, and it's entertaining as well, so it's worth the telling.
@   Even the boldest zebra fear the hungry lion.
@   Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
@   Every purchase has its price.
@   Every successful person has had failures but repeated failure is no
guarantee of eventual success.
@   Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment.
@   Everyone should know where his towel is.
@   Everything bows to success, even grammar.
@   Excellent day to have a rotten day.
@   Excellent time to become a missing person.
@   Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
@   Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.
@   Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake
when you make it again.
 -- F. P. Jones
@   Expertise in one field does not carry over into other fields.  But experts
often think so.
@   Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door.
@   Familiarity breeds attempt.
@   Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
@   Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western
spiral arm of the galaxy lies a small, unregarded yellow sun.  Orbiting this
at a distance of roughly ninety million miles is an utterly insignificant
little blue-green planet, whose dominant life forms are so amazingly
primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.
 -- Douglas Adams from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
@   Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every
six months.
 -- Oscar Wilde
@   Fine day to throw a party.  Throw him as far as you can.
@   Fine day to work off excess energy.  Steal something heavy.
@   For people who like that kind of book, that is the kind of book they will
like.
@   From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.
@   Future looks spotty.  You will spill soup in late evening.
@   Garter:  An elastic band intended to keep a woman from coming out of
her stockings and desolating the country.
@   Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
@   Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you
should.
@   Give thought to your reputation: Consider changing name and moving to a
new town.
@   Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
@   Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may be
in owning a piece thereof.
@   God gives us relatives; thank goodness we can chose our friends.
@   Good day for a change of scene.  Repaper the bedroom wall.
@   Good day for overcoming obstacles.  Try a steeplechase.
@   Good day to let down old friends who need help.
@   Good health will be yours for a long time.
@   Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.
@   Good news.  Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
@   He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
@   He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
@   He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
@   "He was so crooked you could use him to pull corks with..."
@   "He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes..."
@   He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
@   He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
@   He who has had, has been, but he who hasn't been, has been had.
@   He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
@   He who invents adages for others to peruse takes along a rowboat when going
on a cruise.
@   He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
@   Help a swallow land at Capistrano.
@   Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of reason.
@   Hindsight is an exact science.
@   His life was formal; his actions seemed ruled with a ruler.
@   History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.
@   History doesn't repeat itself.  Historians merely repeat each other.
@   Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
 -- W.C. Fields
@   How many "coming men" has one known!  Where on earth do they all go to?
@   How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.
@   How you look depends on where you go.
@   Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
@   I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise.
@   "I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem."
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
@   I don't remember ever having had the itch, and yet scratching is one of
nature's sweet pleasures, and so handy.
@   I fear explanations explanatory of things explained.
@   I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.
@   "I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent."
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
@   I must have slipped a disk   my pack hurts.
@   I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do was
to go away.
@   I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
@   I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life.
@   I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
@   If "everybody knows" such-and-such, then it ain't so, by at least ten
thousand to one.
@   "If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith."
 -- Albert Einstein
@   If at first you don't succeed, give up; no use being a damn fool.
@   If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four
tellers?
@   If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
@   If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on
vacation.
@   If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied
harder.
 -- Pope John Paul I
@   If we do not change our direction we are likely to end up where we are
headed.
@   If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.  Quit work and
play for once.
@   If you continually give you will continually have.
@   If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
@   If you don't like yourself, you can't like other people.
@   If you make a mistake you right it immediately to the best of your ability.
@   If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you
really make them think they'll hate you.
@   If you suspect a man, don't employ him.
@   If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens
tomorrow!
@   If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
@   If you wish, You will have an opportunity.
@   If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend.
@   Iffen it ain't broke, don't fix it.
@   Iffen it ain't cooked, don't serve it.
@   Ignore previous quip.
@   I'll have you know, sir, that I cannot be bought.  However if you want to
rent me for a while, well...
@   Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
 -- Jules de Gaultier
@   In a family argument, if it turns out you are right -- apologize at once!
@   Ingrate: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of
indigestion.
@   Inside every big problem is a small problem trying to get out.
@   It is Fortune, not wisdom that rules man's life.
@   It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.
@   "It is bad luck to be superstitious."
 -- Andrew W. Mathis
@   It is better to have loved and lost than to have hated and won.
@   It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an
aardvark.
@   It is better to wear out than to rust out.
@   It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
@   It is easier to run down a hill than up one.
@   It is far better to be deceived than to be undeceived by those we love.
@   It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work
to do.
@   It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
@   It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the
problem.
@   It is said that the lonely eagle flies to the mountain peaks while the
lowly ant crawls the ground, but cannot the soul of the ant soar as high as
the eagle?
@   It is the business of the future to be dangerous.
 -- Hawkwind
@   It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.
@   It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
@   It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
@   It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
@   It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired.
@   It's clever, but is it art?
@   It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.
@   It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten.
@   Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not really after you.
@   Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he
knows what it is.
@   Justice: A decision in your favor.
@   Keep emotionally active.  Cater to your favorite neurosis.
@   Kin: An affliction of the blood
@   Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.
@   Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
@   Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
@   Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
@   Let's just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other
again.
@   Lie: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to
date.
@   Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
@   Life is hard and then you die.
@   Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, then you find there
is nothing in it.
@   Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.
@   Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
@   Lonely is a man without love.
@   Lonely men seek companionship.
   Lonely women sit at home and wait.
   They never meet.
@   Look out!  Behind you!
@   Love is in the offing.  Be affectionate to one who adores you.
@   Love is sentimental measles.
@   Love the sea?  I Dote upon it   from the beach.
@   Mad:  Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence
@   Make a wish, it might come true.
@   Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to.
 -- Mark Twain
@   Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
@   Many a family tree needs trimming.
@   Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long.
@   Many pages make a thick book, except for pocket bibles which are on very,
very thin paper.
@   Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
 -- Voltaire
@   Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
@   Menu: A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
@   Message will arrive in the mail.  Destroy, before the FBI sees it.
@   Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
@   Misfortune:  The kind of fortune that never misses.
@   Miss:  A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they
are in the market.
@   Misster, do you vant to buy a duck.
@   Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.
@   Monday:  In Christian countries, the day after the football game.
@   Money cannot buy love, nor even friendship.
@   Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
@   Money is truthful.  If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.
@   Money may buy friendship but money cannot buy love.
@   Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in
years.
@   My cup hath runneth'd over with love.
@   My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my
life there.
@   Never appeal to a man's "better nature".  He may not have one.
@   Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.
@   Never call a man a fool; borrow from him.
@   Never drink from your finger bowl   it contains only water.
@   Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
@   Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance with him.
@   Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
@   Never try to outstubborn a cat.
@   Next Friday will not be your lucky day.  As a matter of fact, you don't
have a lucky day this year.
@   Nice guys get sick.
@   No generalization is true -- not even this one.
@   No matter where you go on a bicycle, it will always be uphill and into the
wind.
@   No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
@   Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
@   Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
@   Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
@   Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
@   Ocean:  A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world and made for
man -- who has no gills.
@   Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
@   Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lampposts   for support
rather than illumination.
@   Old men are fond of giving good advice to console themselves for their
inability to give bad examples.
@   On a clear disk you can seek forever.
@   One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
@   One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
@   Only a sadistic scoundrel -- or a fool -- tells the bald truth on social
occasions.
@   Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
@   Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
@   Our country has plenty of good five-cent cigars, but the trouble is they
charge fifteen cents for them.
@   Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing to
go through hell to get it.
@   People who have no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking
advantage of them.
@   People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle.
@   People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
@   Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
@   Pity the poor corpuscle, for he labors in vein.
@   Please take note:
@   Post no bills.
@   Predestination was doomed from the start.
@   Preserve the old, but know the new.
@   Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
@   Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the
sword.
@   Proper treatment can cure a cold in seven days -- but left to itself it'll
hang on for a week.
@   Publishing a volume of verse is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand
Canyon and waiting for the echo.
@   Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.
@   Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth.
@   Put your trust in those who are worthy.
@   Raising pet electric eels is gaining a lot of current popularity.
@   Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle science fiction.
@   Recent investments will yield a slight profit.
@   Remember that two wrongs do not make a right -- but that three lefts do.
@   Remember, even if you win the rat race -- you're still a rat.
@   Reputation:  what others are not thinking about you.
@   Rotate left! Rotate right! Push on, pop off, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE!
@   Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.
@   Share and enjoy.
@   Shared pain is lessened; shared joy is increased.
@   She's learned to say things with her eyes that others waste time putting into
words.
@   Show your affection, which will probably meet with pleasant response.
@   Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
@   Small change can often be found under seat cushions.
@   Some men are discovered; others are found out.
@   Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.
@   Someone is speaking well of you.
@   Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
@   Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.
@   Stay away from flying saucers today.
@   Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
@   Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you.
@   Stop searching forever. Happiness is unattainable.
@   Surprise due today.  Also the rent.
@   Surprise your boss.  Get to work on time.
@   Swap read error.  You lose your mind.
@   Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
@   Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop
writing.
@   "That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all."
@   Thank you for observing ALL safety precautions.
@   The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
@   The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the
average man can see better than he can think.
@   The best prophet of the future is the past.
@   The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
@   The cow is nothing but a machine with makes grass fit for us people to eat.
 -- John McNulty
@   The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
@   The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my
tongue.
@   The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
@   The goal of science is to build better mousetraps.  The goal of nature is
to build better mice.
@   The hardest thing is to disguise your feelings when you put a lot of
relatives on the train for home.
@   The heart is wiser than the intellect.
@   The light of a hundred stars does not equal the light of the moon.
@   The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others.
@   The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't.
@   The only rose without thorns is friendship.
@   The person you rejected yesterday could make you happy, if you say yes.
@   The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity
of your action.
@   The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
@   The star of riches is shining upon you.
@   The time is right to make new friends.
@   The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility.  And
vice versa.
@   The universe is laughing behind your back.
@   The way to make a small fortune in the commodities market is to start with
a large fortune.
@   The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
@   The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
@   The world is an 8000 mile in diameter spherical pile of dirt.
@   The world is coming to an end!  Repent and return those library books!
@   There ain't no such thing as a free lunch. TANSTAAFL
@   There are few people more often in the wrong than those who cannot endure
to be thought so.
@   There are many people today who literally do not have a close personal
friend.
@   There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
@   There are no games on this system.
@   There are three things I have always loved and never understood -
   art, music, and women.
@   There is a great discovery still to be made in Literature:
   that of paying literary men by the quantity they do NOT write.
@   There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what
the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be
replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

   There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
@   There is always someone worse off than yourself.
@   There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.
@   There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be
doing.
@   There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.
@   There's always one more bug.
@   There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
@   They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
@   Things are always darkest before they go completely black.
@   Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
@   Things will be bright in P.M.  A cop will shine a light in your face.
@   Think of your family tonight.  Try to crawl home after the computer
crashes.
@   Think twice before speaking. But don't say "think think click click".
@   This file will self-destruct in five minutes.
@   This quip program out of order.  For those in desperate need, please
use the program "randchar".  This program generates random characters, and,
given enough time, will undoubtedly come up with something profound.  It
will, however, take it no time at all to be more profound than THIS program
has ever been.
@   This quip intentionally left blank.
@   This guy walked into my office one day and started talking about this
science fiction show he had in mind. He called it "Star Trek". I remember
saying, "It sounds marvelous, whatever the hell it is." And I remember
thinking, "Oh, my God! This will never sell!"
 -- Oscar Katz, speaking of Gene Roddenberry
@   This is a *dangerous* place.
@   This is a test of the emergency broadcast system.  This is only a test.
@   This space intentionally left blank.
@   This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
@   Those who can't write, write manuals.
@   Those who can, do.  Those who can't, simulate.
@   Those who can, do.
   Those who can't, teach.
   Those who can't teach, administrate.
@   Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.
@   To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult to criticize
the competent.
@   To do is to be   Nietzsche
   To be is to do   Sartre
   Do be do be do   Sinatra
@   To give happiness is to deserve happiness.
@   To keep your friends treat them kindly; to kill them, treat them often.
@   To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
@   To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
@   To save a single life is better than to build a seven story pagoda.
@   Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official.
@   Tonight's the night:  Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
@   Travel important today;  Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
@   True happiness will be found only in true love.
@   Truth will be out this morning.  (Which may really mess things up.)
@   Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
@   Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.
@   Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
 -- Salvador Hardin
@   "Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
@   Vote anarchist
@   Wasting time is an important part of living.
@   Watch out for the old mortar in the rocks in the fourteenth hole trick.
@   We are tied down to a language which makes up in obscurity what it lacks in
style.
@   We have met the enemy and not only is he ours, he is us.
 -- Walt Kelly
@   We prefer to speak evil of ourselves than not speak of ourselves at all.
@   We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.
@   We read to say that we have read.
@   We really don't have any enemies.  It's just that some of our best friends
are trying to kill us.
@   What is the difference between a Vitamin and a Hormone?  You can't make a
Vitamin.
@   What makes us so bitter against people who outwit us is that they think
themselves cleverer than we are.
@   What no spouse of a writer can ever understand is that a writer is working
when he's staring out the window.
@   What orators lack in depth they make up in length.
@   What passes for woman's intuition is often nothing more than man's
transparency.
@   What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
@   What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel.
@   What this country needs is a good five cent ANYTHING!
@   What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.
@   When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to guarantee
them.
@   When the government bureau's remedies do not match your problem, you
modify the problem, not the remedy.
@   When the wind is great, bow before it; when the wind is heavy, yield to it.
@   "When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut."
@   When you become used to never being alone, you may consider yourself
Americanized.
@   When you go out to buy, don't show your silver.
@   Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
@   Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of movement unless it was to
avoid responsibility?
@   Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it
was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
@   With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.
@   Words are the voice of the heart.
@   Words must be weighed, not counted.
@   Worth seeing?  Yes, but not worth going to see.
@   Xerox never comes up with anything original.
@   You are a bundle of energy always on the go.
@   You are a fluke of the universe.
@   You are always busy.
@   You are capable of planning your future.
@   You are dishonest, but never to the point of hurting a friend.
@   You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend.
@   You are going to have a new love affair.
@   You are heading for a land of sunshine.
@   You are magnetic in your bearing.
@   You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward.
@   You are secretive in your dealings but never to the extent of trickery.
@   You are standing on my toes.
@   You are tricky, but never to the point of dishonesty.
@   You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading
this sort of trash.
@   You can create your own opportunities this week.  Blackmail a senior
executive.
@   You can do very well in speculation where land or anything to do with
earth is concerned.
@   You can go wrong by being too skeptical as readily as by being too
trusting.
@   You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
@   You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
@   You can pick your nose or you can pick your friends, but you can't wipe
your friends on the side of the couch.
@   You could get a new lease on life -- if only you didn't need the first and
last month in advance.
@   You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy.
@   You enjoy the company of other people.
@   You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.
@   You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy.
@   You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.
@   You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first.
@   You have a truly strong individuality.
@   You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in
contact.
@   You have an ability to sense and know higher truth.
@   You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
@   You have an unusual equipment for success.  Be sure to use it properly.
@   You have an unusual understanding of the problems of human relationship.
@   You have been selected for a secret mission.
@   You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.
@   You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop.
@   You have many friends and very few enemies.
@   You have the capacity to learn from mistakes.  You'll learn a lot today.
@   You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact.
@   You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances.
@   You live and you learn -- or you don't live long.
@   You love peace.
@   You love your home and want it to be beautiful.
@   You may be recognized soon.  Hide.
@   You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.
@   You plan things that you do not even use because of your extreme caution.
@   You recoil from the crude; you tend naturally toward the exquisite.
@   You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider.
@   You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.
@   You will always have good luck in your personal affairs.
@   You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
@   You will be Told about it Tomorrow.  Go Home and Prepare Thyself.
@   You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant.
@   You will be awarded a medal for disregarding safety in saving someone.
@   You will be awarded some great honor.
@   You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble.
@   You will be given a post of trust and responsibility.
@   You will be honored for contributing your time and skill to a worthy
cause.
@   You will be married within a year.
@   You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
@   You will be singled out for promotion in your work.
@   You will be successful in love.
@   You will be surprised by a loud noise.
@   You will be surrounded by luxury.
@   You will engage in a profitable business activity.
@   You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.
@   You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.
@   You will have long and healthy life.
@   You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you.
@   You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.
@   You will look like a monkey when you get old.
@   You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally.
@   You will never know hunger.
@   You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates.
@   You will receive a legacy which will place you above want.
@   You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life.
@   You will step on the soil of many countries.
@   You will win success in whatever calling you adopt.
@   You worry too much about your job.
   Stop it.
   You are not paid enough to worry.
@   You're being followed.  Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
@   You've been leading a dog's life.  Stay off the furniture.
@   Your aims are high, and you are capable of much.
@   Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient.  Don't believe a thing
he tells you.
@   Your domestic life may be harmonious.
@   Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life.
@   Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout.
@   Your love life will be happy and harmonious.
@   Your lover will never wish to leave you.
@   Your mind understands what you have been taught; your heart, what is true.
@   Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of good news soon.
@   Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world.
@   Your present plans will be successful.
@   Your reasoning powers are good, and you are a fairly good planner.
@   Your society will be sought by people of taste and refinement.
@   Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
@   Your temporary financial embarrassment will be relieved in a surprising
manner.
@   Youth had been a habit of hers so long that she could not part with it.
@   Zipple grelbnot horbnofg asirvnig fzouple! Or something like that.
@   What is vice today may be virtue tomorrow.
@   Let me play with it first and I'll tell you what it is later.
 -- Miles Davis
@   You will be successful in your work.
@   In the beginning I was made.  I didn't ask to me made.  No one consulted
me or considered my feelings in this matter.  But if it brought some
passing fancy to some lowly humans as they haphazardly pranced their
way through life's mournful jungle then so be it.
 -- Marvin the Paranoid Android
@   I just thought of something funny...your mother.
 -- Cheech Marin
@   Lack of skill dictates economy of style.
 -- Joey Ramone
@   Life is wasted on the living.
 -- Zaphod Beeblebrox IV
@   Youth is wasted on the young.
 -- George Bernard Shaw
@   The life of a repo man is always intense.
@   You will soon meet a tall dark handsome stranger.
@   !xob XINEX siht edisni kcuts m'I ,pleH
@   I like the future, I'm in it.
@   If you don't watch it, you're going to catch something.
@   To be, or what?
 -- Sylvester Stallone
@   Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.  Teach a man to fish, and
he'll invite himself over for dinner.
@   I waited and waited, and when nobody called, I knew it was from you.
@   A stitch in time saves nine.
@   There's a bug somewhere in your code.
@   Een schip op het strand is een baken in zee.
   [A ship on the beach is a lighthouse to the sea.]
 -- Dutch Proverb
@   Faire de la bonne cuisine demande un certain temps.  Si on vous fait
attendre, c'est pour mieux vous servir, et vous plaire.
[Good cooking takes time.  If you are made to wait, it is to serve you better,
and to please you.]
 -- Menu of Restaurant Antoine, New Orleans
     [Also, what we're going to be telling our customers]
@   Adde parvum parvo magnus acervus erit.
   [Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]
 -- OVID
@   He'll sit here and he'll say, "Do this!  Do that!"  And nothing will
happen.
 -- Harry S. Truman, on presidential power
@   Practice is the best of all instructors.
 -- Publilius
@   Experience is a dear teacher, but fools will learn at no other.
 -- Poor Richard's Almanac
@   The author should gaze at Noah, and ... learn, as they did in the Ark,
to crowd a great deal of matter into a very small compass.
 -- Sydney, Smith, Edinburgh Review
@   The hypothesis:
   Amid a wash of paper, a small number of documents become the critical
pivots around which every project's management revolves.  These are the
manager's chief personal tools.
 -- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
@   There is nothing in this world constant but inconstancy.
 -- Swift
@   It is common sense to take a method and try it.  If it fails, admit it
frankly and try another.  But above all, try something.
 -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
@   Things are always at their best in the beginning.
 -- Pascal
@   That is the key to history.  Terrific energy is expended -- civilizations
are built up -- excellent institutions devised; but each time something goes
wrong. Some fatal flaw always brings the selfish and cruel people to the top,
and then it all slides back into misery and ruin.  In fact, the machine
conks.  It seems to start up all right and runs a few yards, and then it
breaks down.
 -- C. S. Lewis
@   A good workman is known by his tools.
@   I can call spirts from the vasty deep.  Why so can I, or so can any man;
but will they come when you do call for them?
 -- Shakespeare, king Henry IV, Part I
@   None love the bearer of bad news.
 -- Sophocles
@   How does a project get to be a year late? ... One day at a time.
 -- Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
@   What we do not understand we do not possess.
 -- Goethe
@   The tar pit of software engineering will continue to be sticky for a long
time to come.  One can expect the human race to continue attempting systems
just within or just beyond our reach; and software systems are perhaps the
most intricate and complex of man's handiworks.  The management of this
complex craft will demand our best use of new languages and systems, our best
adaptation of proven engineering management methods, liberal doses of common
sense, and ... humility to recognize our fallibility and limitations.
 -- Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
@   All programmers are optimists.  Perhaps this modern sorcery especially
attracts those who believe in happy endings and fairy godmothers.  Perhaps
the hundreds of nitty frustrations drive away all but those who habitually
focus on the end goal.  Perhaps it is merely that computers are young,
programmers are younger, and the young are always optimists.  But however
the selection process works, the result is indisputable:  "This time it
will surely run," or "I just found the last bug."
 -- Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
@   The flow chart is a most thoroughly oversold piece of program
documentation.
 -- Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
@   The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time.
   The last 10% of a project takes 90% of the time.
@   At first sight, the idea of any rules or principles being superimposed on
the creative mind seems more likely to hinder than to help, but this is quite
untrue in practice.  Disciplined thinking focuses inspiration rather than
blinkers it.
 -- G. L. Glegg, The Design of Design
@   "GOTO statement considered harmful"
 -- E. W. Dijkstra, title to a letter in CACM 11, 3 (March, 1968)
@   The emperor has no clothes.
@   Here at Controls, we have one chief for every Indian.
@   The clothes have no emperor.
 -- C. A. Hoare, about Ada.
@   There will always be survivors.
 -- Robert Heinlen
@   The programmer, like the poet, works only slightly removed from pure
thought-stuff.  He builds his castles in the air, from air, creating by
exertion of the imagination.  Few media of creation are so flexible, so easy
to polish and rework, so readily capable of realizing grand conceptual
structures.
 -- Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
@   Mind your own business, Mr. Spock.  I'm sick of your halfbreed
interference.
@   A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone somewhere is
having fun.
@   A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
 -- Samuel Johnson
@   A gift of flowers will soon be made to you.
@   A liberal is someone too poor to be a capitalist and too rich to be a
communist.
@   A man forgives only when he is in the wrong.
@   A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
@   University: A modern school where football is taught.
@   Actors will happen in the best-regulated families.
@   Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
@   We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is more than she ever did.
 -- Rufus T. Firefly, in "Duck Soup"
@   It's not often that you get so much class entertainment outside your
bedroom window or outside your bedroom, period.
 -- Groucho Marx
@   All that glitters has a high refractive index.
@   Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
@   Been Transferred Lately?
@   Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.
@   Angular momentum makes the world go round.
@   Charity:  a thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
@   Crazee Edeee, his prices are INSANE!!!
@   Death:  to stop sinning suddenly.
@   Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
@   Don't eat yellow snow.
 -- Frank Zappa
@   Don't force it, use a bigger hammer.
@   Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
@   Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
@   Everything you know is wrong.
 -- The Firesign Theater
@   Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital.
@   Flee at once, all is discovered.
@   Genius is the talent of a man who is dead.
@   God must love the common man; He made so many of them.
@   Hackers of the world, unite!
@   Dyslexics of the world, untie!
@   He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
@   His heart was yours from the first moment that you met.
@   I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.
@   I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
@   I will never lie to you.
@   I wish you humans would leave me alone.
@   If God had wanted man to go around nude, He would have given him bigger
hands.
@   If God had wanted man to fly, He would have given him airline tickets.
@   It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
@   Laugh, and the world ignores you.  Crying doesn't help either.
@   Long life is in store for you.
@   Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
@   Love is in the offing.  Be affectionate to one who adores you.
@   Many are called, few are chosen.  Fewer still get to do the choosing.
@   Many are called, few volunteer.
@   Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of
Casablanca.
@   Now and then an innocent man is sent to the Legislature.
@   Paranoia doesn't mean the whole world really isn't out to get you.
@   Philosophy:  unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.
@   Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
@   Stability itself is nothing else than a more sluggish motion.
@   Sturgeon's Law:  Ninety percent of everything is crud.
@   The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.
@   The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad.
@   The decision doesn't have to be logical, it is unanimous.
@   The time is right to make new friends.
@   The universe is laughing behind your back.
@   There is no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it.
@   Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
@   To think is human, to compute, divine.
@   Today is the last day of your life so far.
@   Try the Moo Shu Pork.  It is especially good today.
@   What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
@   What this country needs is a good five cent microcomputer.
@   Words must be weighed, not counted.
@   You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
@   You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
@   You will feel hungry again in another hour.
@   You'll be called to a post requiring ability in handling groups of people.
@   Your boss is thinking about you.
@   If something's not worth doing, it's not worth doing well.
@   When everything has been seen to work, all integrated, you have four more
months of work to do.
 -- C. Portman of ICL Ltd.
@   We stand today at a crossroads:  One path leads to despair and utter
hopelessness.  The other leads to total extinction.  Let us hope we have the
wisdom to make the right choice.
 -- Woody Allen
@   Some people hope to achieve immortality through their works or their
children. I would prefer to achieve it by not dying.
 -- Woody Allen
@   Nothing is done until nothing is done.
@   The fourth law of thermodynamics:
   The perversity of the universe tends towards a maximum.
@   There are no saints, only unrecognized villains.
@   There are no bugs, only unrecognized features.
@   It may soon be time for you to look for a new line of work.
@   Your project will be late.
@   The CS Sage says:  Seek new employment prior to the imposition of
performance penalties on your project.
@   You will see the light at the end of the tunnel;  unfortunately, it will
be the light of an oncoming freight train.
@   What is virtue today may be vice tomorrow.
@   "The country needs and, unless I mistake its temper, the country demands
bold, persistent experimentation."
 -- Franklin Delanore Roosevelt
@   Money talks...but all mine keeps saying is "goodbye"
@   "No, it's 'Blessed are the meek.'  I think that's nice, 'cause really they
have a hell of a time."
 -- someone in the crowd in "The Life of Brian"
@   "I think he said 'Blessed are the cheesemakers.'"
   "Nonsense, he was obviously referring to all manufacturers of dairy
products."
 -- two people in the crowd in "The Life of Brian"
@   What can a pigeon do that a west Texas oil man can't do anymore?
   A pigeon can still make a deposit on a new Mercedes.
@   How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?
   Two.  One to change the bulb and another to reflect on how much more
gratifying it was than a man.
@   How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?
   Two.  One to change the bulb and one to mix the drinks.
@   How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
   Only one, but it takes a really long time and the light bulb has to want to
change.
@   How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
   Four.  One to change the bulb and three to share the experience.
@   How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
   None.  It's a hardware problem.
@   To program anything that is programmable is obsession.
@   I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all
these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these
kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and
I wasn't tempted to buy one but I was reminded of the fact that I had been
avoiding the beach.
 -- Lucinda Childs (Philip Glass: Einstein On The Beach)
@   Nothing is true. Everything is permitted.
 -- Hassan I Sabbah
- Bullshit.
 -- Karl
@   Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash.
 -- Bo Diddley
@   The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement.
   But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
 -- Niels Bohr
@   Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.
 -- Southern California Oracle
@   The most merciful thing in the world ... is the inability of the human mind
to correlate all its contents.
 -- H. P. Lovecraft
@   Take what you can use and let the rest go by.
 -- Ken Kesey
@   Its not the size of the ship, its the size of the waves.
 -- Little Richard
@   I never loved another person the way I loved myself.
 -- Mae West
@   Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
 -- Sigmund Freud
@   When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I've never
tried before.
 -- Mae West
@   Her life was saved by rock and roll.
 -- Lou Reed
@   I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-
genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.
 -- J. Edgar Hoover
@   "Honest Officer, had I known my health stood in jeopardy I would never had
lit one."
 -- Maxim of the Hells Angels
@   It is a rather pleasant experience to be alone in a bank at night.
 -- Willie Sutton
@   Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs painting.
 -- Billy Rose
@   The rich will do anything for the poor but get off their backs.
 -- Karl Marx
- If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital, had made a lot of it ...
it would have been much better.
 -- Karl Marx's Mother
@   If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest
shopping center in the world?
 -- Richard M. Nixon
@   When I sell liquor, its called bootlegging; when my patrons serve it on
Lake Shore Drive, its called hospitality.
 -- Al Capone
@   Anything anybody can say about America is true.
 -- Emmett Grogan
@   Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los
Angeles.
 -- Frank Lloyd Wright
@   If you've seen one city slum, you've seen them all.
 -- Spiro Agnew
@   If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all.
 -- Ronald Reagan
@   If you've seen one Grand Canyon, you've seen them all.
 -- a member of the Monkey Wrench Gang
@   He who shits on the road will meet flies on his return.
 -- South African Saying
@   You can't underestimate the power of fear.
 -- Tricia Nixon
@   The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.
 -- Wavy Gravy
@   The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.
 -- Buckminster Fuller
@   Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
 -- Dwight D. Eisenhower
@   College isn't the place to go for ideas.
 -- Hellen Keller
@   Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective
stories.
 -- Arthur C. Clarke
@   America, how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?
 -- Allen Ginsberg
@   It is necessary for me to establish a winner image.
Therefore, I have to beat somebody.
 -- Richard M. Nixon
@   Any smoothly functioning technology will have the appearance of magic.
 -- Arthur C. Clarke
@   Justice is incidental to law and order.
 -- J. Edgar Hoover
@   Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
 -- Groucho Marx
@   The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
 -- Abbie Hoffman
@   Stay out of the road, if you want to grow old.
 -- Pink Floyd
@   Here I am, fifty-eight, and I still don't know what I want to be when
I grow up.
 -- Peter Drucker
@   How can you be two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?
 -- Firesign Theater
@   I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.
 -- Oscar Wilde
@   We are what we pretend to be.
 -- Kurt Vonnegut, JR
@   We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
 -- Oscar Wilde
@   The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong -
but thats the way to bet.
 -- Damon Runyon
@   I could prove God statistically.
 -- George Gallup
@   My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior
spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive
with our frail and feeble mind.
 -- Albert Einstein
@   Real wealth can only increase.
 -- R. Buckminster Fuller
@   Anyone can hate.  It costs to love.
 -- John Williamson
@   In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true
or becomes true.
 -- John Lilly
@   Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
 -- Graffiti
@   The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is
comprehensible.
 -- Albert Einstein
@   Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.
 -- Tallulah Bankhead
@   A physicist is an atoms way of knowing about atoms.
 -- George Wald
@   Don't lose
   Your head
   To gain a minute
   You need your head
   Your brains are in it.
   Burma Shave
@   It was always thus; and even if 'twere not, 'twould inevitably have been
always thus.
 -- Dean Lattimer
@   Burnt Sienna. Thats the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.
 -- Ken Weaver
@   We don't know who discovered water, but we are certain it wasn't a fish.
 -- John Culkin
@   Try to be the best of what you are, even if what you are is no good.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
@   Please don't lie to me, unless you're absolutely sure I'll never find out
the truth.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
@   Please don't ask me what the score is, I'm not even sure what the game is.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
@   I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
@   If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
@   Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the
wrong direction.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
@   By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task completely
overwhelm me.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
@   To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit
the target.
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
@   America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without
civilization in between.
 -- Oscar Wilde
@   The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.
 -- Alan Coult
@   If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would
presumably flunk it.
 -- Stanley Garn
@   The world looks as if it has been left in the custody of trolls.
 -- Father Robert F. Capon
@   Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest
men in national government too.
 -- Richard M. Nixon
@   We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.
 -- Dwight D. Eisenhower
@   If we make peaceful revolution impossible, we make violent revolution
inevitable.
 -- John F. Kennedy
@   "Contrariwise", continued Tweedledee, "If it was so, it might be; and if
it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. Thats logic."
 -- Lewis Carroll
@   It takes a long time to understand nothing.
 -- Edward Dahlberg
@   To know the world one must construct it.
 -- Cesare Pavese
@   Eeny Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak.
 -- Bullwinkle Moose
@   The mistake you make is in trying to figure it out.
 -- Tennessee Williams
@   An object never serves the same function as its image   or its name.
 -- Rene Magritte
@   All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard,
ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.
 -- Kingfish
@   He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder.
 -- M. C. Escher
@   Law of Computability Applied to Social Sciences:
   If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set.
@   Laws of Computer Programming
   (1) Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
   (2) Any given program costs more and takes longer.
   (3) If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
   (4) If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
   (5) Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
   (6) The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
   (7) Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the
programmer who must maintain it.
   (8) Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and
you will find that programmers cannot write in English.
 -- SIGPLAN Notices, Vol 2 No 2
@   When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.
 -- Calvin Coolidge
@   The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
 -- Paul Erlich
@   If A equals success, then the formula is:

    A= X + Y + Z

    X is work.
    Y is play.
    Z is keep your mouth shut.
 -- Albert Einstein
@   Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't
either.
 -- Joseph Fischer
@   Fourth Law of Thermodymanics:
   If the probability of success is not almost one, then it is damn near zero.
 -- David Ellis
@   Frouds Law:
   A transistor protected by a fast acting fuse will protect the fuse by
blowing first.
@   Fullers Law of Cosmic Irreversibility:
   1 Pot T == 1 Pot P
   1 Pot P != 1 Pot T
 -- R. Buckminster Fuller
@   The meek shall inherit the earth, but not its mineral rights.
 -- J. Paul Getty
@   Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters
needs pounding.
 -- Abraham Kaplan
@   The fault lies not with our technologies but with our systems.
 -- Roger Levian
@   Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some
ordinance under which you can be booked.
 -- Robert D. Sprecht (Rand Corp)
@   Thoreau's Law:
   If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good,
you should run for your life.
@   Vique's Law:
   A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
@   If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs,
then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
 -- Gerald Weinberg
@   Zimmerman's Law of Complaints:
   Nobody notices when things go right.
@   Real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance.
 -- Confucius
@   Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein.
 -- Book of Proverbs
@   It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
 -- Mark Twain
@   The unnatural, that too is natural.
 -- Goethe
@   I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.
 -- Graffiti
@   I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn't like it.
 -- Samuel Goldwyn
@   He hasn't one redeeming vice.
 -- Oscar Wilde
@   (To Walter Cronkite):
   "Well Walter, I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of
heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a
street"
 -- Neil Armstrong
@   "You doubted Me," God tells the Lawgiver [Moses], "But I forgave you
that doubt. You doubted your own self and failed to believe in your own
powers as a leader, and I forgave you that also. But you lost faith in
these people and doubted the divine possibilities of Human Nature. THIS
loss of faith makes it impossible for you to enter the Promised Land."
 -- The Midrash
@   "'Martyrdom' is the only way a person can become famous without ability"
 -- George Bernard Shaw
@   "Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty
without any proof"
 -- Ashley Montague
@   Birth, copulation and death.
   That's all the facts when you come to brass tacks;
   Birth, copulation and death.
 -- T. S. Elliot, Sweeney Agonistes (1932)
@   "Make no little plans.  They have no Magic to stir Men's blood."
 -- D. B. Hudson
@   "Software suppliers are trying to make their software packages more
'user-friendly'.... Their best approach, so far, has been to take
all the old brochures, and stamp the words, 'user-friendly' on the cover."
 -- Bill Gates, Pres., Microsoft, Inc.
@   Bradley's Bromide:
   If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee...
that will do them in.
@   Civilization Law #1:
   Civilization advances by extending the number of important operations
one can do without thinking about them.
@   Ketterling's Law:
   Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
@   "Whenever 'A' attempts by law to impose his moral standards upon 'B',
'A' is most likely a scoundrel"
 -- H. L. Mencken
@   "The government of the United States is not in any sense founded
on the Christian Religion"
 -- George Washington
@   "In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to Liberty."
 -- Thomas Jefferson
@   "During almost fifteen centuries the legal establishment of Christianity
has been upon trial.  What has been its fruits?  More or less, in all
places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the
laity, in both, superstition, bigotry, and persecution."
 -- James Madison
@   "Money, not morality, is the principle commerce of civilized nations."
 -- Thomas Jefferson
@   "We must all hang together, or we will surely all hang separately."
 -- Benjamin Franklin
@   "Where a new invention promises to be useful, it ought to be tried."
 -- Thomas Jefferson
@   "Assuming that either the left wing or the right wing gained
control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles."
 -- Pat Paulsen
@   "An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself."
 -- Albert Camus
@   "Six years for possession of a cigarette?...I got six months for
possession of a deadly weapon!"
 -- cartoon by S. Harris
@   The Swartzberg Test:
   The validity of a science is its ability to predict.
@   "There is no choice before us.  Either we must Succeed in providing the
rational coordination of impulses and guts, or for centuries civilization
will sink into a mere welter of minor excitements. We must provide a Great
Age or see the collapse of the upward striving of the human race."
 -- Alfred North Whitehead
@   "My own life has been spent chronicling the rise and fall of human
systems, and I am convinced that we are terribly vulnerable.... We should
be reluctant to turn back upon the frontier of this epoch. Space is
indifferent to what we  do; it has no feeling, no design, no interest in
whether or not we grapple with it. But we cannot be indifferent to  space,
because the grand, slow march of intelligence has brought us, in our
generation, to a point from which we can explore and understand and utilize
it. To turn back now would be to deny our history, our capabilities."
 -- James A. Michener
@   "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick!"
 -- Bill Kirchenbaum
@   "To err is human, to compute divine. Trust your computer but not its
programmer."
 -- Morris Kingston
@   "I've seen many politicians paralyzed in the legs as myself, but I've
seen more of them who were paralyzed in the head."
 -- George Wallace
@   "You don't have to explain something you never said."
 -- Calvin Coolidge
@   "A little caution outflanks a large cavalry."
 -- Bismarck
@   "A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real
money."
 -- Everett Dirksen
@   "The personal computer market is about the same size as the total potato
chip market. Next year it will be about half the size of the pet food
market and is fast approaching the total worldwide sales of pantyhose"
 -- James Finke, Pres., Commodore Int'l Ltd.(1982)
@   "I like a man who grins when he fights."
 -- Winston Churchill
@   "There are a lot of lies going around.... and half of them are true."
 -- Winston Churchill
@   "Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick
himself up and carry on..."
 -- Winston Churchill
@   "God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and
Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday,
and Saturday."
 -- William Bragg
   "And on Sunday they rest."
 -- Machine
@   "Pioneering basically amounts to finding new and more horrible ways to
die."
 -- John W. Campbell
@   "That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest"
 -- Thoreau (Sysop's note: and if so, what are we doing here?)
@   Life is not one thing after another.... it's the same damn thing over
and over!
@   The meek will inherit the Earth..... The rest of us will go to the stars.
@   After all is said and done, a lot more has been said than done.
@   Beauty is only skin deep, but Ugly goes straight to the bone.
@   There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
@   Any given program, when running correctly, is obsolete.
@   Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll
believe you.... Tell him that a bench has wet paint upon it and he'll have
to touch it to be sure.
@   Sex is like snow... You never know how many inches you're going to get or how
long it will last.
@   What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
@   Love is a matter of chemistry, but Sex is a matter of physics.
@   "Discovery consists in seeing what everyone else has seen and thinking
what no one else has thought."
 -- Albert Szent-Gyorgi
@   "Revolution is the opiate of the intellectuals"
 -- "Oh, Lucky Man"
@   I really hate this damn machine,
   I wish that they would sell it.
   It never does just what I want,
   But only what I tell it.
@   "Fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters; united with
it, she is the mother of the arts and the origin of marvels"
 -- Goya
@   "Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall
instead of using it"
 -- Gordon R. Dickson
@   "Civilization is a movement, not a condition; it is a voyage, not a
harbor."
 -- Toynbee
@   "We have met the enemy and he is us"
 -- Walt Kelly (in POGO)
@   "You know, of course, that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery,
are now extinct."
 -- M. Somerset Maugham
@   "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
 -- Bert Lantz
@   "The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception a
necessity."
 -- Oscar Wilde
@   "God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
 -- Voltaire
@   "IBM uses what I like to call the 'hole-in-the-ground technique' to
destroy the competition..... IBM digs a big hole in the ground and covers
it with leaves. It then puts a big pot of gold nearby. Then it gives the
call, 'Hey, look at all this gold, get over here fast.' As soon as the
competitor approaches the pot, he falls into the pit."
 -- John C. Dvorak
@   "There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them."
 -- Heisenberg
@   "It takes all sorts of in & out-door schooling to get adapted to my kind
of fooling."
 -- R. Frost
@   "Confound these ancestors.... They've stolen our best ideas!"
 -- Ben Jonson
@   And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung
that cometh out of man, in their sight...Then he [the Lord!] said unto me,
Lo, I have given thee cow's dung for man's dung, and thou shalt prepare thy
bread therewith.
 -- [Ezek. 4:12-15 (KJV)]
@   I have stripped off my dress; must I put it on again?  I have washed my
feet; must I soil them again?

   When my beloved slipped his hand through the latch-hole, my bowels stirred
within me [my bowels were moved for him (KJV)].

   When I arose to open for my beloved, my hands dripped with myrrh; the
liquid myrrh from my fingers ran over the knobs of the bolt.  With my own
hands I opened to my love, but my love had turned away and gone by; my
heart sank when he turned his back.  I sought him but I did not find him, I
called him but he did not answer.

   The watchmen, going the rounds of the city, met me; they struck me and
wounded me; the watchmen on the walls took away my cloak.
 -- [Song of Solomon 5:3-7 (NEB)]
@   How beautiful are thy feet with shoes, O prince's daughter! the joints of
thy thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a cunning workman.
Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor:  thy belly is
like an heap of wheat set about with lilies. Thy two breasts are like two
young roses that are twins.
 -- [Song of Solomon 7:1-3 (KJV)]
@   How beautiful, how entrancing you are, my loved one, daughter of delights!
You are stately as a palm-tree, and your breasts are the clusters of dates.
I said, "I will climb up into the palm to grasp its fronds."  May I find your
breast like clusters of grapes on the vine, the scent of your breath like
apricots, and your whispers like spiced wine flowing smoothly to welcome my
caresses, gliding down through lips and teeth.
 -- [Song of Solomon 7:6-9 (NEB)]
@   Wear me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is
strong as death, passion cruel as the grave; it blazes up like blazing
fire, fiercer than any flame.
 -- [Song of Solomon 8:6 (NEB)]
@   But Rabshakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and
to thee, to speak these words?  Hath he not sent me to the men which sit on
the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with
you?
 -- [2 Kings 18:27 (KJV)]
@   When Yahweh your gods has settled you in the land you're about to occupy,
and driven out many infidels before you...you're to cut them down and
exterminate them.  You're to make no compromise with them or show them any
mercy.
 -- [Deut. 7:1 (KJV)]
@   You will be successful in your work.
@   If you're not careful, you're going to catch something.
@   That's the thing about people who think they hate computers.  What they
really hate is lousy programmers.
 -- Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle in "Oath of Fealty"
@   Wherever you go...There you are.
 -- Buckaroo Banzai
@   Life in the state of nature is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.
 -- Thomas Hobbes, Leviathan
@   Lack of skill dictates economy of style.
 -- Joey Ramone
@   No one is fit to be trusted with power. ... No one. ... Any man who has
lived at all knows the follies and wickedness he's capable of.  And if he
does know it, he knows also that neither he nor any man ought to be allowed
to decide a single human fate.
 -- C. P. Snow, The Light and the Dark
@   Successful and fortunate crime is called virtue.
 -- Seneca
@   When we jumped into Sicily, the units became separated, and I couldn't
find anyone.  Eventually I stumbled across two colonels, a major, three
captains, two lieutenants, and one rifleman, and we secured the bridge.
Never in the history of war have so few been led by so many.
 -- General James Gavin
@   The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do
nothing.
 -- Edmund Burke
@   You may call me by my name, Wirth, or by my value, Worth.
 -- Nicklaus Wirth
@   Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.
 -- Niels Bohr
@   The computer can't tell you the emotional story.  It can give you the
exact mathematical design, but what's missing is the eyebrows.
 -- Frank Zappa
@   Things are not as simple as they seems at first.
 -- Edward Thorp
@   The main thing is the play itself.  I swear that greed for money has
nothing to do with it, although heaven knows I am sorely in need of money.
 -- Feodor Dostoyevsky
@   It is surely a great calamity for a human being to have no obsessions.
 -- Robert Bly
@   Machines take me by surprise with great frequency.
 -- Alan Turing
@   Uncertain fortune is thoroughly mastered by the equity of the calculation.
 -- Blaise Pascal
@   After Goliath's defeat, giants ceased to command respect.
 -- Freeman Dyson
@   There are two ways of constructing a software design.  One way is to make
it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies and the other is to
make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.
 -- Charles Anthony Richard Hoare
@   Do not allow this language (Ada) in its present state to be used in
applications where reliability is critical, i.e., nuclear power stations,
cruise missiles, early warning systems, anti-ballistic missile defense
systems.  The next rocket to go astray as a result of a programming language
error may not be an exploratory space rocket on a harmless trip to Venus:
It may be a nuclear warhead exploding over one of our cities.  An unreliable
programming language generating unreliable programs constitutes a far
greater risk to our environment and to our society than unsafe cars, toxic
pesticide, or accidents at nuclear power stations.
 -- C. A. R. Hoare
@   Without coffee he could not work, or at least he could not have worked in
the way he did.  In addition to paper and pens, he took with him everywhere
as an indispensable article of equipment the coffee machine, which was no
less important to him than his table or his white robe.
 -- Stefan Zweigs, Biography of Balzac
@   "It was the Law of the Sea, they said. Civilization ends at the waterline.
Beyond that, we all enter the food chain, and not always right at the top."
 -- Hunter S. Thompson
@   In the pitiful, multipage, connection-boxed form to which the flowchart
has today been elaborated, it has proved to be useless as a design tool --
programmers draw flowcharts after, not before, writing the programs they
describe.
 -- Fred Brooks, Jr.
@   The so-called "desktop metaphor" of today's workstations is instead an
"airplane-seat" metaphor.  Anyone who has shuffled a lap full of papers
while seated between two portly passengers will recognize the difference --
one can see only a very few things at once.
 -- Fred Brooks, Jr.
@   ...when fits of creativity run strong, more than one programmer or writer
has been known to abandon the desktop for the more spacious floor.
 -- Fred Brooks, Jr.
@   A little retrospection shows that although many fine, useful software
systems have been designed by committees and built as part of multipart
projects, those software systems that have excited passionate fans are those
that are the products of one or a few designing minds, great designers.
Consider Unix, APL, Pascal, Modula, the Smalltalk interface, even Fortran;
and contrast them with Cobol, PL/I, Algol, MVS/370, and MS-DOS.
 -- Fred Brooks, Jr.
@   ...computer hardware progress is so fast.  No other technology since
civilization began has seen six orders of magnitude in performance-price
gain in 30 years.
 -- Fred Brooks, Jr.
@   Software entities are more complex for their size than perhaps any other
human construct because no two parts are alike.  If they are, we make the
two similar parts into a subroutine -- open or closed.  In this respect,
software systems differ profoundly from computers, buildings, or
automobiles, where repeated elements abound.
 -- Fred Brooks, Jr.
@   Digital computers are themselves more complex than most things people
build: They have very large numbers of states.  This makes conceiving,
describing, and testing them hard.  Software systems have
orders-of-magnitude more states than computers do.
 -- Fred Brooks, Jr.
@   The complexity of software is an essential property, not an accidental
one. Hence, descriptions of a software entity that abstract away its
complexity often abstract away its essence.
 -- Fred Brooks, Jr.
@   Einstein argued that there must be simplified explanations of nature,
because God is not capricious or arbitrary.  No such faith comforts the
software engineer.
 -- Fred Brooks, Jr.
@   Except for 75% of the women, everyone in the whole world wants to have
sex.
 -- Ellyn Mustard
@   The connection between the language in which we think/program and the
problems and solutions we can imagine is very close.  For this reason
restricting language features with the intent of eliminating programmer
errors is at best dangerous.
 -- Bjarne Stroustrup in "The C++ Programming Language"
@   The only way to learn a new programming language is by writing programs
in it.
 -- Brian Kernighan
@   Perfection is achieved only on the point of collapse.
 -- C. N. Parkinson
@   There you go man,
   Keep as cool as you can.
   It riles them to believe that you perceive the web they weave.
   Keep on being free!
@   Bingo, gas station, hamburger with a side order of airplane noise,
and you'll be Gary, Indiana.
 -- Jessie in the movie "Greaser's Palace"
@   Hoping to goodness is not theologically sound.
 -- Peanuts
@   Police up your spare rounds and frags.  Don't leave nothin' for the dinks.
 -- Willem Dafoe in "Platoon"
@   "All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more
specific."
 -- Jane Wagner
@   "Any medium powerful enough to extend man's reach is powerful enough to
topple his world.  To get the medium's magic to work for one's aims rather
than against them is to attain literacy."
 -- Alan Kay, "Computer Software", Scientific American, September 1984
@   "Computer literacy is a contact with the activity of computing deep
enough to make the computational equivalent of reading and writing fluent
and enjoyable. As in all the arts, a romance with the material must be well
under way.  If we value the lifelong learning of arts and letters as a
springboard for personal and societal growth, should any less effort be
spent to make computing a part of our lives?"
 -- Alan Kay, "Computer Software", Scientific American, September 1984
@   "The greatest warriors are the ones who fight for peace."
 -- Holly Near
@   Trespassers will be shot.  Survivors will be prosecuted.
@   Trespassers will be shot.  Survivors will be SHOT AGAIN!
@   "I'm growing older, but not up."
 -- Jimmy Buffett
@   Scientists will study your brain to learn more about your distant cousin,
Man.
@   "I hate the itching.  But I don't mind the swelling."
 -- new buzz phrase, like "Where's the Beef?" that David Letterman's trying
to get everyone to start saying
@   Your own mileage may vary.
@   "Oh dear, I think you'll find reality's on the blink again."
 -- Marvin The Paranoid Android
@   "Send lawyers, guns and money..."
 -- Lyrics from a Warren Zevon song
@   "I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs."
 -- H. L. Mencken
@   "Remember, Information is not knowledge; Knowledge is not Wisdom;
Wisdom is not truth; Truth is not beauty; Beauty is not love;
Love is not music; Music is the best."
 -- Frank Zappa
@   I can't drive 55.
@   "And they told us, what they wanted...
   Was a sound that could kill someone, from a distance."
 -- Kate Bush
@   "In the face of entropy and nothingness, you kind of have to pretend it's
not there if you want to keep writing good code."
 -- Karl
@   Badges?  We don't need no stinking badges.
@   I can't drive 55.
   I'm looking forward to not being able to drive 65, either.
@   Thank God a million billion times you live in Texas.
 -- Karl
@   Sit on a happy face.
@   "Can you program?"
   "Well, I'm literate, if that's what you mean!"
@   No user-serviceable parts inside.  Refer to qualified service personnel.
@   At the heart of science is an essential tension between two seemingly
contradictory attitudes -- an openness to new ideas, no matter how bizarre
or counterintuitive they may be, and the most ruthless skeptical scrutiny
of all ideas, old and new.  This is how deep truths are winnowed from deep
nonsense.  Of course, scientists make mistakes in trying to understand the
world, but there is a built-in error-correcting mechanism:  The collective
enterprise of creative thinking and skeptical thinking together keeps the
field on track.
 -- Carl Sagan, "The Fine Art of Baloney Detection," Parade, February 1, 1987
@   One of the saddest lessons of history is this:  If we've been bamboozled
long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle.  We're no
longer interested in finding out the truth.  The bamboozle has captured
us.  it is simply too painful to acknowledge -- even to ourselves -- that
we've been so credulous.  (So the old bamboozles tend to persist as the
new bamboozles rise.)
 -- Carl Sagan, "The Fine Art of Baloney Detection," Parade, February 1, 1987
@   Regarding astral projection, Woody Allen once wrote, "This is not a bad way
to travel, although there is usually a half-hour wait for luggage."
@   The inability to benefit from feedback appears to be the primary cause of
pseudoscience.  Pseudoscientists retain their beliefs and ignore or distort
contradictory evidence rather than modify or reject a flawed theory.  Because
of their strong biases, they seem to lack the self-correcting mechanisms
scientists must employ in their work.
 -- Thomas L. Creed, "The Skeptical Inquirer," Summer 1987
@   Finding the occasional straw of truth awash in a great ocean of confusion
and bamboozle requires intelligence, vigilance, dedication and courage.
But if we don't practice these tough habits of thought, we cannot hope to
solve the truly serious problems that face us -- and we risk becoming a
nation of suckers, up for grabs by the next charlatan who comes along.
 -- Carl Sagan, "The Fine Art of Baloney Detection," Parade, February 1, 1987
@   Do not underestimate the value of print statements for debugging.
   Don't have aesthetic convulsions when using them, either.
@   As the system comes up, the component builders will from time to time
appear, bearing hot new versions of their pieces -- faster, smaller, more
complete, or putatively less buggy.  The replacement of a working component
by a new version requires the same systematic testing procedure that adding
a new component does, although it should require less time, for more
complete and efficient test cases will usually be available.
 -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
@   Each team building another component has been using the most recent
tested version of the integrated system as a test bed for debugging its
piece.  Their work will be set back by having that test bed change under
them.  Of course it must.  But the changes need to be quantized.  Then each
user has periods of productive stability, interrupted by bursts of test-bed
change.  This seems to be much less disruptive than a constant rippling and
trembling.
 -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
@   Conceptual integrity in turn dictates that the design must proceed from
one mind, or from a very small number of agreeing resonant minds.
 -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
@   It is a very humbling experience to make a multimillion-dollar mistake,
but it is also very memorable.  I vividly recall the night we decided how
to organize the actual writing of external specifications for OS/360.  The
manager of architecture, the manager of control program implementation, and
I were thrashing out the plan, schedule, and division of responsibilities.

   The architecture manager had 10 good men.  He asserted that they could
write the specifications and do it right.  It would take ten months, three
more than the schedule allowed.

   The control program manager had 150 men.  He asserted that they could
prepare the specifications, with the architecture team coordinating; it
would be well-done and practical, and he could do it on schedule.
Furthermore, if the architecture team did it, his 150 men would sit
twiddling their thumbs for ten months.

   To this the architecture manager responded that if I gave the control
program team the responsibility, the result would not in fact be on time,
but would also be three months late, and of much lower quality.  I did, and
it was.  He was right on both counts.  Moreover, the lack of conceptual
integrity made the system far more costly to build and change, and I would
estimate that it added a year to debugging time.
 -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
@   The reason ESP, for example, is not considered a viable topic in
contemporary psychology is simply that its investigation has not proven
fruitful...After more than 70 years of study, there still does not exist
one example of an ESP phenomenon that is replicable under controlled
conditions.  This simple but basic scientific criterion has not been met
despite dozens of studies conducted over many decades...It is for this
reason alone that the topic is now of little interest to psychology...In
short, there is no demonstrated phenomenon that needs explanation.
 -- Keith E. Stanovich, "How to Think Straight About Psychology", pp. 160-161
@   The evolution of the human race will not be accomplished in the ten
thousand years of tame animals, but in the million years of wild animals,
because man is and will always be a wild animal.
 -- Charles Galton Darwin
@   Natural selection won't matter soon, not anywhere as much as conscious
selection. We will civilize and alter ourselves to suit our ideas of what
we can be. Within one more human lifespan, we will have changed ourselves
unrecognizably.
 -- Greg Bear
@   "Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin."
 -- Michael O'Donohugh
@   ...though his invention worked superbly -- his theory was a crock of
sewage from beginning to end.
 -- Vernor Vinge, "The Peace War"
@   "It's like deja vu all over again."
 -- Yogi Berra
@   The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first.
 -- Blaise Pascal
@   "Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?" he asked.  "Begin at the
beginning," the King said, gravely, "and go on till you come to the end:
then stop."
 -- Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
@   A morsel of genuine history is a thing so rare as to be always valuable.
 -- Thomas Jefferson
@   To be awake is to be alive.
 -- Henry David Thoreau, in "Walden"
@   A person with one watch knows what time it is; a person with two watches
is never sure.
 -- Proverb
@   You see but you do not observe.
 -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, in "The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes"
@   A quarrel is quickly settled when deserted by one party; there is no battle
unless there be two.
 -- Seneca
@   Nothing ever becomes real till it is experienced -- even a proverb is no
proverb to you till your life has illustrated it.
 -- John Keats
@   The fancy is indeed no other than a mode of memory emancipated from the
order of space and time.
 -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
@   What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expect generally happens.
 -- Bengamin Disraeli
@   Nothing in progression can rest on its original plan.  We may as well
think of rocking a grown man in the cradle of an infant.
 -- Edmund Burke
@   For every problem there is one solution which is simple, neat, and wrong.
 -- H. L. Mencken
@   Don't tell me how hard you work.  Tell me how much you get done.
 -- James J. Ling
@   One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible.
Friendship needs a certain parallelism of life, a community of thought,
a rivalry of aim.
 -- Henry Brook Adams
@   Remember thee
   Ay, thou poor ghost while memory holds a seat
   In this distracted globe.  Remember thee!
   Yea, from the table of my memory
   I'll wipe away all trivial fond records,
   All saws of books, all forms, all pressures past,
   That youth and observation copied there.
 -- Hamlet, I : v : 95   William Shakespeare
@   Obviously, a man's judgement cannot be better than the information on
which he has based it.  Give him the truth and he may still go wrong when
he has the chance to be right, but give him no news or present him only
with distorted and incomplete data, with ignorant, sloppy or biased
reporting, with propaganda and deliberate falsehoods, and you destroy his
whole reasoning processes, and make him something less than a man.
 -- Arthur Hays Sulzberger
@   Each honest calling, each walk of life, has its own elite, its own
aristocracy based on excellence of performance.
 -- James Bryant Conant
@   You can observe a lot just by watching.
 -- Yogi Berra
@   If the presence of electricity can be made visible in any part of a
circuit, I see no reason why intelligence may not be transmitted
instantaneously by electricity.
 -- Samuel F. B. Morse
@   "Mr. Watson, come here, I want you."
 -- Alexander Graham Bell
@   It's currently a problem of access to gigabits through punybaud.
 -- J. C. R. Licklider
@   It is important to note that probably no large operating system using
current design technology can withstand a determined and well-coordinated
attack, and that most such documented penetrations have been remarkably
easy.
 -- B. Hebbard, "A Penetration Analysis of the Michigan Terminal System",
Operating Systems Review, Vol. 14, No. 1, June 1980, pp. 7-20
@   A right is not what someone gives you; it's what no one can take from you.
 -- Ramsey Clark
@   The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate
knowledge of its ugly side.
 -- James Baldwin
@   Small is beautiful.
@   ...the increased productivity fostered by a friendly environment and
quality tools is essential to meet ever increasing demands for software.
 -- M. D. McIlroy, E. N. Pinson and B. A. Tague
@   It is not best to swap horses while crossing the river.
 -- Abraham Lincoln
@   Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.
 -- Jean Cocteau
@   Suppose for a moment that the automobile industry had developed at the
same rate as computers and over the same period:  how much cheaper and more
efficient would the current models be?  If you have not already heard the
analogy, the answer is shattering.  Today you would be able to buy a
Rolls-Royce for $2.75, it would do three million miles to the gallon, and
it would deliver enough power to drive the Queen Elizabeth II.  And if you
were interested in miniaturization, you could place half a dozen of them on
a pinhead.
 -- Christopher Evans
@   In the future, you're going to get computers as prizes in breakfast
cereals. You'll throw them out because your house will be littered with
them.
 -- Robert Lucky
@   Get hold of portable property.
 -- Charles Dickens, "Great Expectations"
@   Overall, the philosophy is to attack the availability problem from two
complementary directions:  to reduce the number of software errors through
rigorous testing of running systems, and to reduce the effect of the
remaining errors by providing for recovery from them.  An interesting
footnote to this design is that now a system failure can usually be
considered to be the result of two program errors:  the first, in the
program that started the problem; the second, in the recovery routine that
could not protect the system.
 -- A. L. Scherr, "Functional Structure of IBM Virtual Storage Operating
Systems, Part II: OS/VS-2 Concepts and Philosophies," IBM Systems Journal,
Vol. 12, No. 4, 1973, pp. 382-400
@   I have sacrificed time, health, and fortune, in the desire to complete
these Calculating Engines.  I have also declined several offers of great
personal advantage to myself.  But, notwithstanding the sacrifice of these
advantages for the purpose of maturing an engine of almost intellectual
power, and after expending from my own private fortune a larger sum than
the government of England has spent on that machine, the execution of which
it only commenced, I have received neither an acknowledgment of my labors,
not even the offer of those honors or rewards which are allowed to fall
within the reach of men who devote themselves to purely scientific
investigations...

   If the work upon which I have bestowed so much time and thought were a
mere triumph over mechanical difficulties, or simply curious, or if the
execution of such engines were of doubtful practicability or utility, some
justification might be found for the course which has been taken; but I
venture to assert that no mathematician who has a reputation to lose will
ever publicly express an opinion that such a machine would be useless if
made, and that no man distinguished as a civil engineer will venture to
declare the construction of such machinery impracticable...

   And at a period when the progress of physical science is obstructed by
that exhausting intellectual and manual labor, indispensable for its
advancement, which it is the object of the Analytical Engine to relieve, I
think the application of machinery in aid of the most complicated and
abstruse calculations can no longer be deemed unworthy of the attention of
the country. In fact, there is no reason why mental as well as bodily labor
should not be economized by the aid of machinery.
 -- Charles Babbage, Passage from the Life of a Philosopher
@   How many hardware guys does it take to change a light bulb?

   "Well the diagnostics say it's fine buddy, so it's a software problem."
@   "Don't try to outweird me, three-eyes.  I get stranger things than you free
with my breakfast cereal."
 -- Zaphod Beeblebrox in "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
@   Uncompensated overtime?  Just Say No.
@   Decaffeinated coffee?  Just Say No.
@   "Show business is just like high school, except you get paid."
 -- Martin Mull
@   "This isn't brain surgery; it's just television."
 -- David Letterman
@   "Morality is one thing.  Ratings are everything."
 -- A Network 23 executive on "Max Headroom"
@   Live free or die.
@   "...if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on
lust, this would be a better world."
 -- Garrison Keillor, "Lake Wobegon Days"
@   Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.  Inside of a dog, it is too
dark to read.
@   "Probably the best operating system in the world is the [operating system]
made for the PDP-11 by Bell Laboratories."
 -- Ted Nelson, October 1977
@   "All these black people are screwing up my democracy."
 -- Ian Smith
@   Use the Force, Luke.
@   I've got a bad feeling about this.
@   The power to destroy a planet is insignificant when compared to the power
of the Force.
 -- Darth Vader
@   When I left you, I was but the pupil.  Now, I am the master.
 -- Darth Vader
@   "Well, well, well!  Well if it isn't fat stinking billy goat Billy Boy in
poison!  How art thou, thou globby bottle of cheap stinking chip oil?  Come
and get one in the yarbles, if ya have any yarble, ya eunuch jelly thou!"
 -- Alex in "Clockwork Orange"
@   "There was nothing I hated more than to see a filthy old drunkie, a
howling away at the sons of his father and going blurp blurp in between as
if it were a filthy old orchestra in his stinking rotten guts.  I could
never stand to see anyone like that, especially when they were old like
this one was."
 -- Alex in "Clockwork Orange"
@   186,000 Miles per Second.  It's not just a good idea.  IT'S THE LAW.
@   Stupidity, like virtue, is its own reward.
@   Gee, Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.
@   Children begin by loving their parents.  After a time they judge them.
Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.
 -- Oscar Wilde
@   Single tasking: Just Say No.
@   "Catch a wave and you're sitting on top of the world."
 -- The Beach Boys
@   "Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them
seemed to come from Texas."
 -- Ian Fleming, "Casino Royale"
@   "I think trash is the most important manifestation of culture we have in my
lifetime."
 -- Johnny Legend